Quotes About Alcohol
1. Time…don't let it slip away, Raise your drinking glass Here's to yesterday
 - Aerosmith
2. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
 - Albert Einstein
3. Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
 - Ambrose Bierce
4. People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
 - Ann Landers
5. Drink what you want, drink what you're able. If you are drinking with me, you'll be under the table
 - Anonymous
6. And God said, "Let there be vodka!" And He saw that it was good. Then God said, "Let there be light!" And then He said, "Whoa - too much light."
 - Anonymous
7. To some it's a six-pack. To me it's a Support Group.
 - Anonymous
8. Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1649. (maybe even longer than that...)
 - Anonymous
9. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may cancel your VISA.
 - Anonymous
10. Eat; drink; and be merry; for tommorrow you may not be able to afford it.
 - Anonymous
11. Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
 - Anonymous
12. God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the world!
 - Anonymous
13. Take me drunk, I'm home
 - Anonymous
14. He who laughs last, hasn't passed out yet.
 - Anonymous
15. I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
 - Anonymous
16. My friends speak of my drinking.... but they know not of my thirst
 - Anonymous
17. There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
 - Anonymous
18. Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
 - Anonymous
19. Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
 - Anonymous
20. Saint Patrick was a gentleman...Who through strategy and stealth...Drove all the snakes from Ireland...Here's a drinkee to his health! But not too many drinkees...Lest we lose ourselves and then...Forget the good Saint Patrick...And see them snakes again!
 - Anonymous
21. Scotch: Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine.
 - Anonymous
22. Starkle, starkle little twink, who da hell you are i think. I'm not as drunk as some thinkle peep I am. Besides I've only had tee martoonies and all day sober to Sunday up in. I fool so feelish, i don't know whos me yet, but the drunker I sit here, the longer I get.
 - Anonymous
23. Good old days: Beer foamed and drinking water didn't.
 - Anonymous
24. Beer before liquor...never sicker; Liquor before beer...never fear!
 - Anonymous
25. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
 - Benjamin Franklin
26. When we drink we get drunk. When we get drunk we fall asleep. When we fall asleep we commit no sin. When we commit no sin we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
 - Brian O'Rourke
27. They'll talk about me showing cleavage and my belly, but they don't say anything about the artists who accept an award and can't even talk because they're so drugged out. After the awards show, I go home, drink my tea and go to bed.
 - Britney Spears on the media
28. People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer, they just like to pee a lot.
 - Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
29. Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
 - Catherine Zandonella
30. Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
 - Dave Barry
31. Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
 - Dave Barry
32. If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
 - David Daye
33. Why is American beer served cold? So you can distinguish it from urine.
 - David Moulton
34. You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
 - Dean Martin
35. We drink and we die and continue to drink.
 - Dennis Leary
36. Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
 - Drew Carey
37. Wine maketh merry: but money answereth all things.
 - Ecclesiastes 10:19
38. One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough.
 - Edward Burke
39. Look, sweetheart, I can drink you under any goddamn table you want, so don't worry about me.
 - Elizabeth Taylor
40. Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
 - Ernest Hemmingway
41. An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.
 - Ernest Hemmingway
42. Beer commercials are so patriotic: 'Made the American Way.' What does that have to do with America? Is that what America stands for? Feeling sluggish and urinating frequently?
 - Evelyn Waugh
43. The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
 - Fran Lebowitz
44. I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
 - Frank Sinatra
45. You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer
 - Frank Zappa
46. No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.
 - G. K. Chesterton
47. I drink to make other people interesting.
 - George Jean Nathan
48. In wine, there is truth. In beer, there is strength. In water, there is bacteria
 - German Proverb
49. A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses
 - H. L. Mencken
50. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
 - Henny Youngman
51. All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
 - Homer Simpson
52. I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
 - Homer Simpson
53. To alcohol... The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
 - Homer Simpson
54. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking: If you cheat, cheat death. If you steal, steal a woman's heart. If you fight, fight for a brother. If you drink, drink with me!!
 - Homer Simpson
55. Dough, the stuff that buys me beer. Ray, the guy who brings me beer. Me, the guy who drinks the beer. Far, a long way to get beer. So, I'll have another beer. La, I'll have another beer. Tea, no thanks I'm having beer. That will bring us back to… (reaching the crescendo of his toast, Homer looks into his beer mug, which is empty) ...DOH!!!
 - Homer Simpson
56. Here's to alcohol.....the cause of AND solution to ...all of life's problems.
 - Homer Simpson
57. The whole world is about three drinks behind.
 - Humphrey Bogart
58. The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
 - Humphrey Bogart
59. Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.
 - Humphrey Bogart
60. I never should have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
 - Humphrey Bogart
61. But the greatest love--the love above all loves, Even greater than that of a mother… Is the tender, passionate, undying love, Of one beer drunken slob for another.
 - Irish love ballad
62. Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink... I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver".
 - Jack Handy
63. If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
 - Jack Handy
64. One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough.
 - James Thurber
65. Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
 - Kaiser Welhelm
66. Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. His Reply: "Madam, but if you were my wife, I would drink it". Lady Astor: "Sir, you're drunk!" His Reply: "Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
 - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
67. Beer that is not drunk has missed its vocation.
 - Meyer Breslau
68. The frog does not drink up the pond in which he lives.
 - Native American Proverb
69. I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew.
 - Ogden Nash
70. For every wound, a balm. For every sorrow, cheer. For every storm, a calm. For every thirst, a beer.
 - Old Irish toast
71. He that buys land buys many stones. He that buys flesh buys many bones. He that buys eggs buys many shells, But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.
 - Old Irish toast
72. Here's to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer-and another one!
 - Old Irish toast
73. When money's tight and hard to get and your horse is also ran, When all you have is a heap of debt a pint of plain is your only man.
 - Old Irish toast
74. You guys came by to have some fun. You'll come and stay all night, I fear. But I know how to make you run. I'll serve you all generic beer.
 - Old Irish toast
75. Best while you have it use your breath. There is no drinking after death. In heaven there is no beer… That's why we drink ours here.
 - Old Irish toast
76. An Irishman is never drunk as long as He can hold onto one blade of grass and not Fall off the face of the earth.
 - Old Irish toast
77. I envy people who drink, at least they know what to blame everything on.
 - Oscar Levant
78. I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.
 - Oscar Levant
79. Work is the curse of the drinking class.
 - Oscar Wilde
80. Drink to me.
 - Pablo Picasso
81. I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver.
 - Phil Harris
82. He was a wise man who invented beer.
 - Plato
83. The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.
 - Richard Braunstein
84. Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
 - Robert A. Heinlein
85. Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
 - Robert Benchley
86. Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls.
 - Ross Levy
87. If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue.
 - Samuel Butler
88. Water, water, everywhere, And all the boards did shrink. Water, water everywhere, Nor any drop to drink.
 - Samuel Taylor Coleridge the Rime of the Ancient Mariner
89. I suppose I'll be able to get a drink there." - "I told the stewardess liquor for three." - "Who are the other two? - "Oh, there are no other two".
 - Sean Connery & Cec Linder
90. The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.
 - Sir Winston Churchill
91. 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
 - Stephen Wright
92. A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts.
 - Steve Fergosi
93. If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
 - Thomas De Quincey
94. A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
 - W.C. Fields
95. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
 - W.C. Fields
96. They who drink beer will think beer.
 - Washington Irving
97. A statesman is an easy man, he tells his lies by rote. A journalist invents his lies, and rams them down your throat. So stay at home and drink your beer and let the neighbors vote.
 - William Butler Yeats
98. The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
 - William Butler Yeats
99. Wine comes in at the mouth and love comes in at the eye; That's all that we will know for truth before we grow old and die. I lift the glass to my mouth, I look at you and I sigh.
 - William Butler Yeats
100. Always remember that I have taken more out of alchohol than alchohol has taken out of me.
 - Winston Churchill